Friday

Nope. Try again.

"You're doing it," my particularly bossy friend told me in college.*

I didn't listen to her. Not the first time. Not the second time. Not even the third time.
"Just come to the interest meeting!"... she finally wore me down.

And with this, I embarked on one of my most formative experiences in life:
Debate team.

For those of you not familiar it goes like this: every semester we got assigned a controversial topic. We spent all our free time at the library (back when you used microfilm!). Then we debated other schools whose students had done the same. But here's the most interesting part:

You had to debate both affirmative and negative.

You didn't get to pick. Often you didn't know which role you would play until the last moment. And many times you would face the same team from earlier but on the opposing side.

This turned out to be the best training in empathy I have ever gotten.

Because, you see, I was always known for being argumentative. *cough... shut up...cough* But something magical happens when you have to argue with yourself.

You might start the semester with an obvious bias but if you want to win you get good at making the opposing argument. And at some point every semester it happens; you suddenly recognize that both perspectives have merit. You can't help it. It just clicks...

empathy
Jessica Ruscello
...And not only intellectually. Not just a pie-in-the-sky idea. In your bones. You suddenly feel the truth of each part. It's highly disturbing.

I didn't know it at the time, but this would turn out to be a highly useful skill as a therapist from the beginning. Like my couples who couldn't see eye-to-eye, but to me it was easily clear how they were both right. Individual clients who struggled to not alienate others with their opinions, but I could see how they got there. Moms on both sides of the "mommy wars". People thrilled, devastated or indifferent to the last election.... I could go on. It all continues to end up in my office. One hour I enter into one person's reality and truth. The next hour; someone else's.

So here's what I want to say to you right now, my battered and bruised brothers and sisters. I am on social media too. I see and hear and feel all of the angst and all of the pain right now too. The division is sharp and it is real. It is hard work right now to connect with those who are different. It is what I call gut work. You have to dig so deep it hurts. So please hear me with love and gentleness when I say:

If you don't understand your opposition's argument, you didn't listen long enough. 

If you can't empathize with how they got there, you need to listen again.

If they seem like a monster devoid of a soul, you missed something.

If they seem completely stupid, weak, evil, whiney, inhuman or otherwise unrelatable? Nope. Try again. You missed something. I promise you.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that we can all see things the same way (or that we need to). What I'm saying is: if you can't see the human behind the opinion, then go back and start over.

Because working in families for over a decade has taught me one thing for certain: It is not our differences that break us. It is our inability to see the human being on the other side. Once we have lost that, there is no way back home again.

we are all we have
Liane Metzler
We each want a path back to the other. One that allows us dignity in our opinion. Listening and understanding (not agreeing) is that path. Without it, we are lost to each other.

Hold on tight to each other, please. We are all we have.









*Haley you know I love you. Thank you for making me do it.

19 comments:

  1. Greetings to my beloveth viewers,i want to share with everyone today on how Dr.ZUKU great spell caster almighty creator brought my Ex Husband back,i was so traumatize staying all alone with no body to stay by me and to be with me,but i was so lucky one certain day to meet this powerful spell caster Dr.ZUKU After telling him about my situation he did everything humanly possible to see that my Husband come back to me,indeed after casting the spell my Husband came back to me less than 24 hours,and start begging me that he will never leave me again,it was like a dream to me,but he did came back to me and promised he won't leave me anymore,one thing you must know is that there are many women that will go to any length to break your relationship,i know that once you contact Dr.ZUKU today your home will be fully restored,Dr.Zuku on his email: drzukuspelltemple@gmail.com
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    3. HOW I GOT CURED OF HERPES DISEASE
      I'm here to testify about what DR. OSO did for me. I have been suffering from (HERPES) disease for the past 5 years and had constant pain, especially in my knees. During the first year,I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came across a testimony of one lady on the internet testifying about a Man called DR. OSO on how he cured her from herpes disease. And she also gave the email address of this man and advise anybody to contact him for help for any kind of sickness that he would be of help, so I emailed him telling him about my (HERPES) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! Well i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as DR. OSO assured me that i will be cured,after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, the test came out negative. So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can contact DR. OSO for help via email}
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    Bring back Lost lovers,Infertility Spell Break up Spells, Marriage spells, Divorce Spells Lottery Spell,Penis Enlargement Creams,Cure Spell, Come to the best Lost Love Spells caster,Gay Love Spells Native healing, Spiritual healer, Magic love spells, lost Love Spells, Relationship healer, Money spells,Traditional healer, Astrology, Spell caster, Magic Healing, Marriage spells, EMAIL US NOW

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  11. I have been suffering from (HPV) disease for the past four years and had constant pain, During the first year,I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came on search on the Internet if i could get any information concerning the prevention of this disease, on my search i saw a testimony of someone who has been healed from (Hepatitis B and Cancer) by this Man Dr osaze oshoregbemhe and she also gave the email address of this man and advise we should contact him for any sickness that he would be of help, so i wrote to Dr osaze oshoregbemhe telling him about my (Herpes Virus) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! hmm i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as the Great Dr osaze oshoregbemhe assured me that i have cured,after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can email oshoregbemhehealinghome@gmail.com or call number +2349053289227.

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  12. Hello everyone, i am here today on this forum giving a life testimony on how I was cured from HIV Virus while this may sound discouraging and people may not be-live that HIV CURE has be found,while i was once an HIV positive i live with this disease for more than years now, i have been to so many places for help including hospitals wasted money and times hoping that i was going to get cure but nor was able, until God use someone to cure me from this disease (HIV) true the help of a man called Dr osemu with his herbal root herbs medicine. while i don’t have much to say but to give thanks and praise to God almighty who use Sir Dr osemu to extend my life for what you have done for me DR, i will not stop thanking you because you put a smile on my face again.thanks once again if you are into similar problem or with any kind of diseases you can contact Sir Dr osemu on his mail drosemuspellcaster@gmail.com or call him or whatsapp on +2349073889037 and i will not stop thanking you DR osemu for what you have done for me in my life, i will keep posting to the world for them to no that you are in existence , thanks for your audience and i hope you find help like i did for what he has done for me, if you are into similar problem like HERPES,HEPATITIS B,CANCER,DIABETICS.do not wast time to contact him now his WhatsApp +2349073889037 and his email drosemuspellcaster@gmail.com.

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  13. HOW I GOT CURED OF HERPES DISEASE
    I'm here to testify about what DR. OSO did for me. I have been suffering from (HERPES) disease for the past 5 years and had constant pain, especially in my knees. During the first year,I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came across a testimony of one lady on the internet testifying about a Man called DR. OSO on how he cured her from herpes disease. And she also gave the email address of this man and advise anybody to contact him for help for any kind of sickness that he would be of help, so I emailed him telling him about my (HERPES) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! Well i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as DR. OSO assured me that i will be cured,after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, the test came out negative. So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can contact DR. OSO for help via email}
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    ReplyDelete
  14. I want to thank a great herbal Dr muthuka for helping me get cure of my HERPES MPLEX
    DISEASES, for like 3 yrs Now I have been suffering from HERPES
    SIMPLEX, but last two (3) week as I was searching through the Internet I met a
    post about a woman called adams tracy and some other people , who was talking about how they was cured by Dr muthuka so I
    decided to give it a try to see if he could save my life Luckily for
    me I was cured by him. I cannot stop thanking him for what he has just done
    for me if you are into similar problem you can contact on muthukaherbalhome@gmail.com
    is a great herbalist that treats and cure
    all manner of diseases like Herpes, HIV, Cancer, Syphilis, Hepatitis
    B, all types of Cancer, Gonorrhea, and solves life's problems that you
    might have etc.contact him today and he will help you solved your
    problem his email via his muthukaherbalhome@gmail.com and you can call or whatsap him with this number +2347036143964 or call +2348105817441 okay thank you all and God bless

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please note that this (being the internet) is not a confidential or secure way to contact me. If you wish to speak with me privately, please call me at 916-270-7413 or visit my site www.CounselingInRoseville.com