Trauma and Activism

Working with birth and mental health professionals across the globe has made me very aware: Most birth professionals have trauma related to birth.  Most mental health professionals have trauma.

In fact, many enter the profession precisely because the trauma they experienced (or the injustice) was so unacceptable, they had to do something about it. I love that. I believe there is nothing more central to the purpose of life than to leave behind better than you got. 

This is why birth and mental health professionals are my people.

Anyone who takes trauma and turns it into loving action has my attention. 

And yet, there is something not being talked about here and frankly, it's starting to worry me:

How To Care For Someone Who Has Trauma

Roughly 8% of the general population suffers from PTSD. Chances are high that someone you love will experience difficult symptoms after a traumatic event. It can feel overwhelming and confusing. What can you do?

When Your Traumatic Birth Is Fresh At The Holidays

I see you mama.

Your loved ones want to hear all about it. They expect smiles. They expect you to be so overjoyed.

They don't see the pain you're in. Maybe they don't even want to see it.

Care Providers Are Hurting

Can We Talk For A Minute?

To my readers who are care providers: the ones who wear work clothes marked by other peoples’ bodies. To those who consume copious amounts of caffeine so you can work while others sleep. To those who have held life and death in your hands and know the fragile knife point of the sacred and the tragic. To the ones who spent long years and the cost of a home for the privilege of working in such liminal space with far too little recognition of your sacrifice.

We need to talk.

What Is Birth Trauma?

Are you experiencing Birth Trauma?

Birth Trauma symptoms and resources:

If you found your way here because you might be suffering from Birth Trauma, here's what I want you to know first.

-You can love your baby and be grateful for your baby's health and still have birth trauma. People who suggest "just be thankful for a healthy baby" don't get it. They may mean well but they are shaming you. Do not listen to them. What you feel matters.

Ladies, We Are Being Heard

Those of you who know me... for about 5 minutes... know that I have this passion (obsession?) with healing trauma. And a specific subset of this is my passion for treating birth trauma. I will talk about it to anyone who will listen (sorry) and basically think it's one of the foremost unidentified mental health issues of young women. That's all. I'm pretty much on a mission to tell the world about it.

Birth Trauma- Is It Real?

(Side note: You can read more about me and my therapy work with trauma here.)
Update: You can listen to my podcast interview on birth trauma here.
You can join a free Facebook support group for birth trauma here.

Early in my career, I became a mom. This meant, by whatever mysterious law governs these things, I began attracting other new moms to my practice. I felt honored to be trusted at such a sacred season of life.

And a funny thing happens when you listen to people, really listen. They start to tell you the things they don't usually say to others. They start to open up their stories and experiences as they trust your care.

And I began to notice something. At first I thought it was a coincidence.

But over time, the pattern held. And my curiosity got involved. Now it has been years. And the pattern still holds. And so I am beyond curious. I am on fire about it.

This pattern? Women with medically "normal" deliveries were ending up in my office with the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from their birth experiences. WHAT?

Some of them met all the diagnostic criteria. But a larger portion had just enough PTSD symptoms that they were affecting their life. Their sleep, their relationships, their anxiety, their bonding with their infant... were all being affected.

Now I need to pause here and explain. We are taught in school that PTSD only happens after a specific series of experiences. Namely, that the experience in question has to feel life-threatening. Otherwise, it's not PTSD. At least, this is what we are taught. (Thankfully this is slowly changing.)

So my mind wasn't primed to believe this was possible in any more than a few women. Sure, if a woman had a dangerous death-defying birth experience then PTSD would make sense. But this large group of women who didn't fear for their lives or their baby's? How could this be? What in the hell is happening here?

No lie, I used my professional access to ask this question of the foremost trauma experts in the field. And I got... nowhere. Blank stares and confusion at the question mostly.

So (a post for another day) I have dedicated a great deal of my professional life understanding this phenomenon. I trained as a doula (birth attendant) and I am currently researching this topic. We are only just beginning to acknowledge this trend exists as a profession. I know very few fellow clinicians who are aware of this and working on it. But don't worry, we are. I have heard you. I carry you in my heart. You are seen.

For those of you who found your way here because you think you might be suffering symptoms of Birth Trauma, here's what I want you to know.

- You can love your baby and be grateful for your baby's health and still have birth trauma. People who suggest "just be thankful for a healthy baby" don't get it. They mean well but they are shaming you. Do not listen to them. What you feel matters.

- You can have a medically normal birth and still have PTSD symptoms. In fact, most women suffering with birth trauma had medically normal births.

- You are not alone. In fact, research suggests more than 30% of women have trauma after their birth. And no, they are not okay either.

- There is hope. There are many therapies that work quickly and effectively on birth trauma. These include EMDR or Brainspotting (I offer these, click for the link). My research tells me that other treatment which might be helpful would include narrative-based therapies and other body-based therapies.

So what are some signs of Birth Trauma? Well, that's a trickier question than you would think. As of yet, we have no diagnostic criteria that we agree on as a profession. So I will just offer what I observe based on my experience and reading. If you have any of the following, you might have birth trauma.

1. Intrusion: This can be flashbacks, dreams or intrusive memories. For many of my moms, it is the sense that their birth memories (once triggered) plays through in their brain whether they want it to or not. They find it distracting, distressing or in some way unpleasant. At the same time, it happens more often than they want.

2. Mood and Beliefs: This can vary greatly by person. But generally there is some mood or belief consequence to what you're experiencing. It might include- anxiety, depression, guilt, anger, numbness, or emotional disconnection. It is an all-encompassing category that means these symptoms are having a negative effect on your life, whether internally or in relationships.

3. Avoidance: This one I find is less frequent. Some moms find they avoid things that trigger the upsetting part of their birth experience. In some cases this means they might even avoid their baby at times. I personally have found that this is variable. Some women experience it and others do not.

4. Arousal: This is a state of heightened emotions or attention. It can look like anxiety, an exaggerated startle response, or irritability. In new moms it can look like intense fear of germs, or other people holding baby, or a compulsion to watch baby while sleeping. It is as if (while part of you is so tired!) the other part of your brain is on high alert; ready for any possible danger whether real or imagined.

If you, or someone you love, recognizes their experiences in this list- please know you are not alone. Please know there is help for you. Please find a therapist who is experienced with trauma treatment. And find someone who will treat this seriously regardless of what the manuals say. One who will treat you as an individual. One who will believe you and your story. It can make all the difference.

And please know, that you have an ally. We are a small group but we are growing. We are listening. Birth trauma is real and women and babies deserve better.

Wishing you healing for your journey,

Helping Your Loved Ones With Trauma- 2 Minute Therapy

Licensed therapist Krysta Dancy talks about ways you can help your loved ones recover from trauma. A follow up to her earlier videos "What is Trauma" and "How to Treat Your Trauma"
*LINKS HERE*
Krysta Dancy talks about the best practices for treating trauma both at home and in the therapy office- a follow up to her earlier video "What Is Trauma"
*LINKS HERE*
"What is Trauma?"- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRCwt...
"How To Treat Trauma"- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7gIY...
Krysta's Website- www.CounselingInRoseville.com
EMDR- Information and latest research- www.emdria.org

Common Sense Disclaimers- This is not a substitute for medical advice or for therapeutic advice. I do not know you personally. My advice cannot be seen as professional advice specific to your condition or needs. This video is intended for interest and information only and is never an implied professional relationship nor is it a substitute for one.

All That Matters Is- You Have A Healthy Baby

"Well," patting her on the hand "all that matters is- you have a healthy baby."

I watch her deflate. Her courage sags away from her. It was scary to tell the truth. Now she feels ashamed. She agrees out of embarrassment.

No! I want to say.

NO! That is not "all that matters".  Because a healthy mom matters too.

Sometimes we wear our scars on the outside. But sometimes the scars are hidden, and no less deep.

Sometimes our scars are in our sense of violation. When our body is not treated as our own.
Sometimes it is our sense of powerlessness. When our voice is ignored or mocked.
Sometimes it is in primal fear. When our lives hang in the balance and no one is giving any answers.
Sometimes it is in the rip of our mother's heart. When our baby is taken away and no one will tell us why.
Sometimes it is in our desperate loneliness. When we enter the gates of deep, dark, reckoning. And we do it without support. Utterly alone.

The scars we wear on the inside are just as real.
The health of a mother matters just as much.

A healthy baby isn't all that matters.

I am here. I hear you. I see you. I acknowledge your scars both seen and unseen. You matter to me mama. You matter to me.

Tell your stories mamas. Your pain is real. Your trauma is real.