Monday

Fully Starving

Stop. Breathe.


It all feels so real. The carefully procured creation in front of me. So real and yet so far. It reveals everything but it reveals nothing.


I know about you, but I don’t really know you.



I know you baby wear or that you’re home alone a lot while your husband travels. I know your dad is dying or that your child is in rehab again. I know you’re estranged from your family and from their comments I can see why. I know you’re eating paleo or I know you’re on your second round of chemotherapy.


But I know all these things while sitting in my torn sweatpants on the couch when I should be doing almost anything else. I learn these things when I’m trying to avoid eye contact in the checkout line. I read your latest updates when the red light is too long. I have 10 work emails to return and only four minutes to do it.


My head is filled with information: with voices and images. It’s filled with stories and with rage-filled arguments. A video of a police shooting autoplays before I can stop it. An image of a dying child held by her parents fills my screen before I can scroll past. I watch a boat of refugees almost drown. A child doesn’t make it. And my 30 second respite from the real world is at once removed and utterly devastating. Now I have a meeting I’m late for.


Stuff. Stuff. Stuff. Stuff it down.


My world is at once lonely and flooded. I know so much but have touched so little.

My life is ridiculously busy. I should spend more time with friends but where is there any time? How can I fit more into my world? How, in God’s name, can I digest one more thing? I am starving and bloated; craving contact but also stuffed full until my skin feels raw.


My life is ridiculously busy. I should try to eat more organic vegan paleo nutrient-dense homemade meals from scratch. But I find meals catch me by surprise almost every time. Oh, we’re supposed to eat again? Scramble.


What is this life? I keep waiting for it to find it’s balance; to settle into a pattern that makes any sense. It doesn’t.

Pack the car for the day. I’ll need a change of clothes for everyone, two for my oldest. Make sure to bring water bottles, preferably filtered and non-disposable. The earth is dying. Have to do my part. Don’t forget my laptop so I can get work done when I steal a few minutes.


I keep waiting for this elusive balance. For it to make sense. It doesn’t.

We just keep going. I seem to be the only one bothered by this. Everyone else has adapted fine. Am I the only one who feels there is something terribly wrong? I could almost believe that.


Except.


Except that I have plenty of clients who drink up my eye contact like it is cool water in a desert. Those who relish the thought of turning off their phone for one blessed hour. And it is only for that reason that I know; We are all fully starving. At once anxious and flat. At once overwhelmed and bored.


We are not wired this way, you and I.


I guess what I’m saying is: if you are desperately busy. Waiting and waiting and waiting for it to fall into a balance that makes sense. A balance that evades you.


You are not alone.

2 comments:

  1. Simply desire to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your post is simply cool and i could assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work. hotmail email sign in

    ReplyDelete
  2. I AM FINIALLY OUT FINANCIAL BONDAGE THANKS TO MOORE LOAN COMPANY (mooreloancompany@yahoo.com) OR Text +1(414) 454-9493 .


    Good day everyone,I can’t hide this great testimony that took place in my life I will love everyone to know it and be a partaker of this, that is why I want to share it to the whole world by placing this advert on classifieds, I am Mr Morgan Smith by name, I live in Chicago, United State, I want to thank ROBBINSON MOORE for his kindness upon my family life, I never knew that there is still a sincere and trustworthy lender like this on the internet and on earth. Just some days I was in search for a loan of $ 150,000.00, As I was in search of funds to start up a business. I was scammed about $15,000.00 dollars and I decided not to involve my self in such business again. But a Friend of mine introduced me to a loan firm due to my appearance and doings and also my complains to her. And I told her that I am not interested in any loan deal anymore but she told me that there is still a sincere lender who she will recommend me to, And she gave me the details of this man who is called MOORE ROBBINSON. And I really put a trial and I am most greatful and lucky today, I was given a loan amount of $95,000,00 Dollars by this great firm MOORE LOAN COMPANY. If you arew in need of a genuine, Sincere, durable and a truth worthy loan lender or financial assistance and also you know you can be reliable and trusted, capable of paying back at the due / duration time of the funds I will advice you to send your contact to them via email @[ mooreloancompany@yahoo.com] OR Text +1(414) 454-9493 .

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please note that this (being the internet) is not a confidential or secure way to contact me. If you wish to speak with me privately, please call me at 916-270-7413 or visit my site www.CounselingInRoseville.com