Monday

Shame Is Sh*t

I don't believe in shame.

Oh I hear you now- but "what about when I do something really terrible Krysta? I should feel badly for it."

Yes. Feeling conviction or remorse is a healthy sign of an intact conscience; but that's not shame.

Like hopelessness, shame seeks to have the last word. It's a period at the end of the sentence which intends to gobble up anything that comes after. Shame is sticky and heavy and weighs you down.

by Toby
While remorse says "I made a bad choice." 
Shame says "I am bad."

Remorse says "Try harder next time."
Shame says "Why bother? I'm a piece of shit anyway."

Remorse says "We all make mistakes."
Shame says "I am deeply flawed inside."

Remorse leaves room for empathy.
Shame marinates in self-pity.

Remorse leads to problem-solving.
Shame leads to a choking stagnation.

Remorse reaches out to make amends.
Shame shrinks back and isolates you.

If you're having a hard time recovering after a failure, ask yourself: "Am I feeling shame or remorse?" It's easy to tell by the fruit it bears. Remorse propels you into something better, more connected, more true. Shame is stagnate, cut off, and hateful.

If you discover a weed of shame, don't panic. We all have them. But please don't let it grow.

Instead, remember yourself as a small baby or toddler. Did you have shame? Look at the way you feel and love and run naked through sprinklers. Nope. No shame there. This is how we know shame is not meant for us.

We are not born into shame. We catch shame. Like a virus. Shame is put upon us. It is not inherently ours.

This is where the work is: you need to figure out how and where you caught that shame. Where did it get put upon you? Where did it start? (Hint: Shame grows and spreads through life but usually the first origin is early on.)

Name it. And give it back. Disown the shame.

Oh, keep the remorse. Make amends. Own your part.

But I'm begging you- ditch the shame. It lies. It says that it's a necessary part of the process. But it isn't. The truth is, shame never did a single person any good. It is only a cancer, eating away at areas of health and connection. It leaves behind malignancy and death.

You and your worth are separate from what you do. They have to be. Otherwise, once you've done bad things you are "bad" and that becomes the end of the story. Shame has the last word.

Try this idea instead: the choices that you make reveal something about you. Choices that are harmful reveal places you are wounded and need to do some personal growing. They are an opportunity. You are an opportunity. You are capable of healing, and growing, and learning, and doing better. Recognizing you made a bad choice is the first step.

This is the beauty of un-learning shame. What was once a chapter closing has now become a new chapter beginning. Your mistakes are not the final word. They are not a life sentence.

You are not your mistakes.


3 comments:

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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
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      i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
      or
      call/whatsapp:+2349057261346

      Delete
  2. i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
    or
    call/whatsapp:+2349057261346



    i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
    or
    call/whatsapp:+2349057261346

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please note that this (being the internet) is not a confidential or secure way to contact me. If you wish to speak with me privately, please call me at 916-270-7413 or visit my site www.CounselingInRoseville.com