Shame Is Sh*t

I don't believe in shame.

Oh I hear you now- but "what about when I do something really terrible Krysta? I should feel badly for it."

Yes. Feeling conviction or remorse is a healthy sign of an intact conscience; but that's not shame.

Like hopelessness, shame seeks to have the last word. It's a period at the end of the sentence which intends to gobble up anything that comes after. Shame is sticky and heavy and weighs you down.

It's Too Late

You're already worthy.

When we operate from a place of total and complete comfort in our self-worth- the knowledge that there is nothing we have to do to earn it. It changes everything.

Suddenly you can drop the hustle. You know the one. The way you work so hard for your value. The way you BURN and STRIVE so that others will call you "good-enough".

When you *know*- there is no striving, there is no burning, there is only "good-enough" already... you can exhale. Perhaps for the first time.

So many people fear this space. They think it will look like mediocrity or underachievement. But oh, I guarantee you it is just the opposite! When we can get a handle on how exquisite and worthy we truly are, when we can drop the hustle, when we can exhale, we can actually BE all that we are meant to offer.

Like the most beautiful sunset you have ever seen, generously casting warmth and beauty, when we are seated in our own space of "worthy" we can finally BE worthy. Our glow isn't for anyone else's applause. Our glow simply IS.

You are already worthy. 

Yo, it's not "real"

Remember when you watched the Truman Show and you were all like, "Wow, this place he lives is freaking CREEPY?" *

Look at that creepy smile.
Courtesy of this link

And part of you was kind of like, "Duh Jim Carrey how could anyone accept this washed-out version of life as reality?" But oh yeah, that was the point.

And you were cheering along with him as he searched for the ultimate reality... on his quest to find Truth!?

And then... this moment happened.

A "Whoah" moment
courtesy of this link

Whoah.

His sailboat hits a wall. (Oh yeah, spoiler alert).

Immediately followed by this

A stairway from nowhere, now that's cool.
courtesy of this link

And all of a sudden, his entire WORLD was just busted open. He realized, the reality he had seen and accepted was in fact, manufactured by another. And that a much grittier, more real, more unpredictable reality actually existed. 

Well, I want you to have this moment. Track with me here....

 This is social media. It is contrived. It is a version of reality that other people want you to see. It is a version of reality. Meaning, in its own way, it IS reality. But it is not the whole of reality.

This is your Facebook feed blowing up on holidays with pictures of perfect families doing everything cute. This is your Twitter feed blowing up with pithy comments from everyone who is doing something amazing right now. This is your Instagram account overflowing with photos of hotness, happiness, or cuteness in some way. Sure, it is a real photo. But it is a version of reality that another person wants you to see.

So here is what I propose:

It's enough already. 

As someone who is in the "nitty gritty" with people on a daily basis, take my word on it: their crappy moments look a lot like your crappy moments. Neither of you post them online. 

And oh, for the love of God, can we stop acting like something didn't happen unless it is documented by at least 2 social media sources? The truth is, the moments we are the most fully present are the ones there is no photographic evidence of. Don't misunderstand me, I love posting photos as much as the next person. But its not my reality. It isn't the moments that count for the most. The moment I drink in, is the moment I get out from behind my Iphone, and actually WITNESS the event happening. That is what builds a life. The photos are only a memento. The experience is what counts.

So for today. Give yourself a break, okay? You only get one crack at this crazy ride called life. (At least, as far as we know). So maybe, just maybe, it can be time to truly and fully inhabit the life that you live. 

And let this:

Become this:

*If your answer is "no" then you're too young. It's probably past your bedtime. If its not past your bedtime I don't want to hear about it because that means that people are old enough to stay up late and STILL not know what the Truman Show is... and that is not a reality *I* am willing to accept.

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What If We're Just Okay?

I may have written on this before. If so, I don't want to know. Let's just pretend this is a unique and original though, okay?

Today it strikes me particularly hard, this idea of self-concept.

If a child is told they are naughty, mean and bad all their life- how will that child will behave? Of course: the child will act like they are naughty, mean and bad. S/he will live and choose things that back-up that idea.

This make so much sense to us when we look at children, but we  often forget this about ourselves. In our heads we run scripts of negative, harsh, no-good, very-bad thoughts all day long. We see all the things we do not do well enough. All the ways in which we cannot measure up. We run lists of things unaccomplished, things left undone. We constantly tell ourselves that we are not doing enough.

And then we expect performance from ourselves. We expect happiness, and success. We expect accomplishment.

How does this make sense?

If we spoke to a child the way we speak to ourselves, and then demanded achievement... everyone around would easily see and realize the error. Who is going to achieve anything, when all they hear is how they are nothing? Yet we do it to ourselves all day long, and no one speaks up for us....

So I'd like to propose something: What if we started telling ourselves good things? What if we are already good enough? Smart enough? Kind enough?*


Oh, I know what you're thinking. That negative self-talker is very crafty! The self-talker says: "But I don't ever want to feel I've accomplished everything, or I'll stop growing!" Yup, like I said: its crafty.


To which I say: "Crafty self-talker, look at the kids. Do we wait until they are Picasso before we praise their effort on their drawing? Do we wait until they are a professional athlete before we encourage them for giving their all in a game? Do we wait until they have graduated college before we ever congratulate them for an 'A' on a test? Of course not! That would be silly, and counter-productive. The child will give up long before making those lofty goals, if all they hear is criticism. YOU ARE THE SAME WAY."

Are you hearing me yet? Is your self-talker finally getting it? If we wait until we are perfect, we will never be kind to ourselves. And really, what a tragedy.


So I propose the radical concept: You are ENOUGH. Today. For this moment. Enough.... now breathe.

I really think you're enough,





*Okay, so I realize this is a good spot for a Stuart Smalley impression. But really, I'm not going for it. It just happens sometimes when I get on a roll. ;)

Physical Fitness and Mental Health

I am not naturally thin. It was a sad realization for me as a young teen. I will never look like a supermodel. I will never be "thin" easily or without effort. I will never be one of those who complains "I eat, I just can't gain weight!" (I've been told this is a frustrating and painful experience, but I must say it looks so appealing from my position).

Much of my young adulthood my weight has varied slightly, depending on my motivation level. And of course, every time I hit the gym, it was with great irritation at myself. My only physical activity was motivated by a sense of shame and self-loathing. I do not say this proudly. I wished to be one of those people who craved physical activity- one of those who had experienced the elusive "runner's high". But that just didn't seem to be in my physiology. And so it was with a great (self-punitive) effort that I ever brought myself to a sweat.

That is, until I was pregnant with my son. Pregnancy was very hard for me. I will spare the details, but among other things I had a condition known as SPD (pelvic separation). Walking became excruciating, and I quickly learned that exercise only exacerbated the condition. I spent most of my pregnancy sitting and/or lying down (luckily my job easily accommodates this- I even have a sofa in my office- ha!)

You know how it is often said "Youth is wasted on the young"? Well, I think its true because the young have no perspective. They only know vitality. For me, pregnancy made me instantly much, much older. Almost overnight I went from a (somewhat) young woman to a hobbled, ill one.

Why do I share this (you might be thinking I lost my point here)? Because that experience (lasting well over a year when all was said and done) forever changed my perspective on my body. Health and fitness was no longer totally about being physically attractive. Suddenly, I experienced joy in the movement! The fact that my body could move, walk, run, jump, lift weights, swim, throw a ball, roll around on the floor and sleep without pain- was like a sudden return to youth.

The euphoria by no means stayed as strong... time has a way of dampening these things. But I still carry a part of that lesson with me now. I am not naturally thin... but I can move. And as I move more and more now, I am aware of its impact on my mental health. My mood, my energy, my emotional output is better on days when my body gets out and moves! Research backs these findings- even mild to moderate depression in women can be helped or cured by activity!

And I wonder how many of you approach exercise in that punitive, "I-hate-my-#$%-body" way that I am all too familiar with. What would it take to shift your thinking to health as a whole body concept, instead of just one more way to see yourself as lacking?