Ladies, We Are Being Heard

Those of you who know me... for about 5 minutes... know that I have this passion (obsession?) with healing trauma. And a specific subset of this is my passion for treating birth trauma. I will talk about it to anyone who will listen (sorry) and basically think it's one of the foremost unidentified mental health issues of young women. That's all. I'm pretty much on a mission to tell the world about it.


Fear Sells. Don't Buy.

For our ancestors bad news was a matter of survival.

Knowing which berries were poison, which cloud pattern indicated a storm, or which bird song meant danger: this kept them alive. On the other hand it wasn't helpful to remember which trees were prettiest in the fall. The most beautiful sunset they ever saw? Well that wasn't going to keep them alive either. Over time nature rewarded the worry-warts and we've been living that legacy ever since.

So it's not your fault, you see.
You're biologically programmed to fear.

Shame Is Sh*t

I don't believe in shame.

Oh I hear you now- but "what about when I do something really terrible Krysta? I should feel badly for it."

Yes. Feeling conviction or remorse is a healthy sign of an intact conscience; but that's not shame.

Like hopelessness, shame seeks to have the last word. It's a period at the end of the sentence which intends to gobble up anything that comes after. Shame is sticky and heavy and weighs you down.


When Someone You Love Has Awful Politics

As a therapist
I’ve seen eyes roll.
Arms crossed.
Personal attacks.
Paint-melting rage.
I’ve even seen a checkbook thrown across the room.

And none of this compares to what I have seen this election season.



This morning I found it. A necklace I had lost almost three years ago. The crazy thing is, it was right under my nose the whole time.

I had been looking for a different necklace on my jewelry holder. This lead me to search a little deeper than I normally would and that was how it caught my eye: a tiny delicate diamond on a silver chain. It was snarled in a much larger clump and I almost missed it.

It used to be bright silver, and that’s how I knew it.


Fully Starving

Stop. Breathe.

It all feels so real. The carefully procured creation in front of me. So real and yet so far. It reveals everything but it reveals nothing.

I know about you, but I don’t really know you.


How To Set Your Compass

Fear is a dirty liar.

There, I said it. Sometimes I just need to get to the point.

The part of you that doesn't walk down a dark alley at midnight? The one that doesn't jump off tall buildings or drive the wrong way in traffic? That isn't fear. That's wisdom. Those things aren't smart.

I'm talking about fear. You know the one. It stops you in your tracks and blocks you from moving through your own dark spaces. You either run or freeze. It goes by other names. Some call it anxiety.


A Letter From The World To You

By Greg Rakozy
(The ones who need to write this, cannot. Please consider this their letter)

Dear Precious One And Only You,
Inside you. Can you feel it? Your heart beating. Your chest rising and falling. Your body fidgeting. 
You are alive.


What Is Brainspotting Like?

If you've ever wondered what Brainspotting is like as a client, or why you want to do it, here's a handy quick video to tell you all you ever wanted to know.


Our Best Kept Secret

by Toby
"Oh, funny, my friend just texted me because she's getting out of her therapy appointment too!"
Comments like this are typical for my teen clients. They openly discuss their mental health and therapy appointments. They exchange ideas and experiences during lunch. They even encourage one another to seek professional help when they are cutting themselves, depressed, anxious or suicidal.

Yes, times are changing and I am proud of how this young generation respects their mental health.

But there is a strange divide. For my clients who are only ten to fifteen years older, I am far more likely to hear
"This is so embarrassing"


How To: Protect Your Kids From The Bad Guys

I usually don't like to write about this kind of thing. But I can't stop thinking about it.

We spend so much time trying to keep our kids safe. We research car seats and we shop organic and we don't let them play in the front yard without supervision. And our desire to keep our kids safe is so noble. It is so right.

But we are also getting it really, really wrong. 


Yes and No

Oh my word. You guys. I'm on draft number five. Five. I still haven't sent it.

You see, I have to send an email. An email I don't want to send. It's time.

I've been living my life in a way that I would tell a client not to. Whoops.


Look Ma! I'm A Guest Blogger

...It feels so fancy!

This week I contributed to a different address. If you Click Here you can see my post: "The Tribe".

Here's a snapshot:

"The room is so full when the baby is born. The room is so empty when the mother is born. Both need a cheering section. Both need whispers of encouragement and support. Both need to be seen." Read more


Lost Together

I love teenagers.

I mean, don't get me wrong. They can be a terrific pain in the ass. But I still love them.

They have this way about them. Everything matters so much. They take life and its meaning seriously and they ponder their place among the world with such deep focus.

Labels- Do They Help Or Hurt?

Photo By Pixabay
You may have noticed, we have a lot of labels these days. Between the addiction and psychiatric labels, we have covered a good chunk of the population. I've heard more than one client say "But everyone has something right?"

Before I go any further, I need to tell you what this blog is not.

This is not one more post about how diagnostic labels are evil. They aren't. Diagnostic labels serve a function. They are a tool. Namely, they were created so that medical institutions could treat them and so that insurance companies could pay for their treatment.

The Story Of All Of Us

Photo By Henry Kowaleski
Once upon a time you were conceived. A bundle of potential, you were declared "good enough". In your personal Eden, life was complete. For a time you knew sufficiency.

Then you joined the outside world. Maybe this was met with rejoicing. Maybe it was met with silence and loneliness. Maybe you were cherished. Maybe you "cried too much".

And life happened. And the cherub slowly fell from grace.


So You Want to Bill Insurance (as a client)

If you plan to use insurance benefits for mental health, you might want to read this article first. What Your Therapist Hasn't Told You About Using Insurance.  Go ahead, this can wait!

Okay, if you still want to use insurance benefits for mental health, here's how to do best that.

How To Bill For Therapy (In-Network or HMO)


How To Outsmart Your Caveman Brain (Part 3)

This wont make sense unless you read Part 1 and Part 2 first.

How Use Neurological Understanding To Help Yourself

1. Discharge the body's threat response. 

We cannot live a life free from perceived threat. Our silly caveman brain is wired to search for it, convinced this will help us live. However, we can increase our awareness of the cycle and make a point to re-engage our Parasympathetic Nervous System (our Peace Survival state). Techniques that can do this include:

How To Outsmart Your Caveman Brain (Part 2)

(To understand this you will need to start by reading Part 1 first)

What Does It All Mean?

Okay so you've made it through the geeky explanations of Part 1. How does this ancient information play out in your modern body, brain and mind?

1. Your body spends too much time in "threat" mode. 

Remember how "Threat Survival" mode means your body stops doing everything irrelevant to surviving a predator? All of your energy, blood flow and oxygen go into your survival mode. Everything is dedicated to fight, flight, faint or freeze. This is hard on your body but it works when it's done briefly. It's a sacrifice worth making to outrun a predator. 

How To Outsmart Your Caveman Brain (Part I)

So you're a modern human. I get it. I love my Starbucks and my air conditioning as much as anyone. A client recently told me "you're just, like, a little bit of a hippie" and I think that probably sums it up. While I love the concept of natural, I also love mascara. It's a tough balance but someone has to do it.

The point is, this is not one more article about how everything used to be better in the old days. I don't think that's a complete picture. While our ancestors might have lived in tune with nature, they also died young and lived hard lives.
Just like mascara, I like to cherry-pick the things I appreciate about modern life and make them work with the outdated equipment I'm using called my body. And believe me, it is outdated. Because although our entire lives have been lived in modernity, our bodies and brains are the beneficiaries of slow evolution. Some things about modern life improve our frailties (like antibiotics!) While many others totally mess with us (like sleep deprivation).

So join me on a process of cherry-picking, okay? It's a bit geeky at first. But I think it will be worth it.

Why The Highly Successful Are Seeking Therapy

There is a strange idea that therapy is only for the very "lost". Despite evidence to the contrary, the ubiquitous stereotype of the analyst's couch and long years of talking... still seems to persist in the minds of many.  The truth is- therapy is more effective, fast-acting and meaningful than ever. As medical technology improves, it continues to strengthen the support for neurologically relevant and rapid therapies. And it turns out, we can all benefit from clearing the emotional path from time to time.

by Unsplash
I know this is true in my office. I see some extremely impressive and accomplished individuals and I love it! (Really, you know I wish I could share- but I can't! You will have to use your imaginations. ) It's a well-kept secret: highly successful and well-resourced people regularly seek therapy as an additional life-improvement tool.

Zero Dollars- Failed Guru

Hey. I'm glad you're here. I need to tell you something scandalous. Something that you rarely hear. Something that no one bothers to mention.

Are you ready?
Here it is:
Chances are, you're doing okay at this life.
(I mean, maybe you won't win any awards any time soon. But, you're most likely doing more good than bad, and more right than wrong.)

And I wanted to tell you that because (I don't know if you've noticed?) that doesn't get said a lot.

It's Too Late

You're already worthy.

When we operate from a place of total and complete comfort in our self-worth- the knowledge that there is nothing we have to do to earn it. It changes everything.

Suddenly you can drop the hustle. You know the one. The way you work so hard for your value. The way you BURN and STRIVE so that others will call you "good-enough".

When you *know*- there is no striving, there is no burning, there is only "good-enough" already... you can exhale. Perhaps for the first time.

So many people fear this space. They think it will look like mediocrity or underachievement. But oh, I guarantee you it is just the opposite! When we can get a handle on how exquisite and worthy we truly are, when we can drop the hustle, when we can exhale, we can actually BE all that we are meant to offer.

Like the most beautiful sunset you have ever seen, generously casting warmth and beauty, when we are seated in our own space of "worthy" we can finally BE worthy. Our glow isn't for anyone else's applause. Our glow simply IS.

You are already worthy. 

Save Your Relationships in a Split Second

If you live with someone long enough... they have screwed you over. 
It's unavoidable. Sharing life with another person means they hurt you, disappoint you, fail you or otherwise let you down. Yes, even "perfect marriages." Yes, even "best friends". Yes, even family members you adore.
And each day, there is that MOMENT. There is a moment where you have a split second to choose. The split second comes and goes before you can blink. But trust me, it's there. I live for those split-seconds in sessions with my clients.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll tell you how to identify it.
It's the moment after the hurt, before the blame.
The moment after the pain, before the anger.
The moment when you feel the ache, and before you lash out.

It's the moment you are reminded of the way they let you down, no matter how long ago, but before you act.

Breathe. Pause. Blink for crying out loud! Take another breath.

Then watch this video.

Then take another breath. Because, oh man, does this part sting at first.

Hit pause. Now go back. Remember the love you share. Then remember some good moments. Then remember their own broken internal spaces. Remind yourself of their humanness. That they were born into the world as a tiny human (just like you) and they're only trying to figure this out (just like you).

Now hit play. Proceed from this space. Say what you need to. Express what you need to. Take care of yourself.

But for the sake of love, do it from this space. You got this.